shaven, not scruffy
i shaved my face tonight. for the first time in over 3 years i have no facial hair and i’m reminded of why i stopped doing it in the first place: self-consciousness.
this isn’t a triumphant moment or anything, i just felt like it had to come off. our own insecurities are so incredibly magnified it distorts our vision of almost everything else. confidence is belittled and our actions can change based upon what we want to hide and what we reveal. i myself have had little trouble expressing my own insecurities, which, in itself is a testament to how i deal with them. this isn’t a revelation or a milestone and i don’t deserve any credit for shaving my face; but no matter the size of our own comfort zones, its important to incorporate a little change into how we allow ourselves to be perceived - whether physical or not.
often times we refuse to believe something we don’t like is endearing or attractive. allow yourself to believe that these people aren’t just talking shit. well, some might be but you should know them well enough to tell. if you value their opinion, say, “thanks” and don’t argue for days about it. sooner or later you’ll come to terms with whatever it is and accept it or pay large sums of money to have it fixed by any number of people. being the frugal person that i am, i’d rather accept it because i can’t afford a therapist… or a surgeon. or the shipping and handling.
doubting yourself is one of the constants that you can count on for the rest of your days. there is a fine line between a crisis and contemplation. if you asked me to define the two i would say that it is probably circumstantial, however the level of emotion involved in the decision should probably not be considered as a determining factor.
i slouch because its a bad habit and i dislike towering over people in a conversation.
i grow hair on my face because i don’t like my acne scars.
i work out because i was always teased for being too skinny.
i doubt my talents because i’m always second-guessing myself. [there are probably 30 blogs waiting to be published on this site].
i wear my heart on my sleeve because i’m afraid of misconception.
and i give people a hard time because, deep down, i want to believe that i’m the strongest person i know…
…when in fact, i’m weaker than anyone will ever know. and because we are all weak, we develop our own ways of shielding ourselves. no one needs to be completely vulnerable, but we all should recognize that someone else, somewhere, probably is doing the exact same thing but they don’t want anyone to know.
-rrf